Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
Funny Tips

What are some funny jokes or stories about the raptor? Funny raptor jokes submitted by ARK players.
I was shooting a raptor with tranquilizers and I thought it seemed weird that the raptor was taking 10 shots and since I didn't have a spyglass, I kept shooting so i got pissed and charged with my stegosaurus and then when I got closer it said it was an alpha raptor so I ran (I left my stegosaurus since it was no hope). I ran and then left without saving hoping that it didn't save.
One day I was walking on the beach. It was a pretty view until a level 130 raptor pounced on me it touched me in ways I would not want to talk about. I some how survived. I hid. When I thought the coast was clear came out the little shit was pretty clearly liked me too much. Pounced on me again. Bill Cosby got to me. One like helps stop raptor stop raping new low level. Help the cause.
I am studying them in a pen, its similar to jurassic world raptor pen, I got a pack on wander, I feed, I pet, and I copy n paste dodos and keep them in a extremely tight cage and murder them and toss da corps in da pen and watch the raptors rip it to shreds.(looks in engrams) What is a "Feeding trough", never heard of it.
Me: taming giga for the first time… am very excited.
Two raptors: mm, that parasaur was tasty.
*notices me*
Two raptors: frick, get him quick. He’s not allowed to do or have nice things!
Me: pulls out journeyman sword and whips their butts
*so powerful*
Rides giga into the sunset.
I walk into work one day, holding back tears and avoiding customers. My supervisor approached me and said ; "is there something wrong brad?" I look upwards slowly knowing how defeated I felt and must have appeared and respond ; "I ... I...dont think you'd understand larry." He walked me to his office when he shut the door behind us I lost it, sobbing now for all that had happened earlier that day. " brad I am here for you , but you have to give me something , a name or something. And if here at work I will take care of it." Quietly I spoke "Raptor... Thats what everyone calls him... He ... " I lost it again . .he proceeded to pull out a Ken doll, holding it he asks me; " Brad, could you show me on the doll, where it is this 'raptor' touched you? so i know what we are dealing with. "EVERYWHERE!" I yelled; " he defiled me for no reason,and haunts me now where I felt safest hes.. Hes a monster!"