Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
Funny Tips

What are some funny jokes or stories about the raptor? Funny raptor jokes submitted by ARK players.
I walk into work one day, holding back tears and avoiding customers. My supervisor approached me and said ; "is there something wrong brad?" I look upwards slowly knowing how defeated I felt and must have appeared and respond ; "I ... I...dont think you'd understand larry." He walked me to his office when he shut the door behind us I lost it, sobbing now for all that had happened earlier that day. " brad I am here for you , but you have to give me something , a name or something. And if here at work I will take care of it." Quietly I spoke "Raptor... Thats what everyone calls him... He ... " I lost it again . .he proceeded to pull out a Ken doll, holding it he asks me; " Brad, could you show me on the doll, where it is this 'raptor' touched you? so i know what we are dealing with. "EVERYWHERE!" I yelled; " he defiled me for no reason,and haunts me now where I felt safest hes.. Hes a monster!"
Me: taming giga for the first time… am very excited.
Two raptors: mm, that parasaur was tasty.
*notices me*
Two raptors: frick, get him quick. He’s not allowed to do or have nice things!
Me: pulls out journeyman sword and whips their butts
*so powerful*
Rides giga into the sunset.
There was one time when me and my friends were playing extinction, and we maxed our raptor into speed and melee. I was just about to throw out my chitin armour, when a dilo attacked me. The raptor, being prehistoric sonic the hedgehog, ram in front of me just as I shot my long neck rifle. It didn’t kill the dilo, it killed the raptor. Big tip guys. NEVER UPGRADE YOUR RAPTORS SPEED OVER 200!
Man, let me tell you something. I’m out here on Aberration, minding my own damn business, when I see this Aberrant Raptor mauling some poor innocent creature like it owes her rent. So I run up, ready to die like an idiot, and I punch this dinosaur RIGHT in the face.
And this damn Raptor — this bloodthirsty, pouncing, ankle‑biting nightmare — just STOPS. She looks at me like, ‘My bad. I didn’t know you were in charge.’ Next thing I know, this wild-ass Raptor is acting like she’s been my pet for YEARS. No bola. No tranqs. No kibble. Just one punch and a whole lotta attitude. And THEN — AND THEN — she lets me put her in a cryopod like it’s the most normal thing in the world. I swear, this ARK is broken. This ARK is tired. This ARK is DONE. It saw me getting mad about DLC creatures and said, ‘Give her the damn Raptor before she breaks something. So yeah. I tamed an Aberrant Raptor by punching her in the face. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I’m just rolling with it.