Remember when ark had dinosaurs.

Some people on the dex: YOU NEED TO GET 75 LEVELS

me at max level: uh…. 😐

girls: boys can’t give birth

male ark players: think again

When you try to out pizza the hut

**“So I’m on Aberration, minding my own business, when a subterranean Reaper King decides to pop up like ‘hey bestie.’ I start blasting him, everything’s normal, everything’s fine. Then my brain goes: ‘Use the crossbow.’

My brain did NOT go: ‘Check your ammo.’

So I pull the trigger and instead of a bolt, I fire a GRAPPLING HOOK straight into this radioactive demon‑worm and immediately zip‑line myself onto his FACE.

We both just… froze.

Five full seconds of ‘…did that just happen?’

Me and this Reaper King sharing the same confused brain cell.

The game glitches, I’m stuck on him like a tick on a dog, and he’s just standing there like he’s waiting for tech support. Eventually I wiggle free, reload REAL ammo, and we both silently agree to pretend that entire interaction never happened so we can kill each other like civilized enemies.

He put up a good fight.

But I won.

And we will never speak of our awkward little bonding moment again.”**

I am 9 and I play ark...... the worst mistake in my life was going to abberation cuz of giant crabs and snakes........ instead I found this

I'd like to file a divorce and I'll need a lawyer

me:"yes finally I'm going to have enough food for my baby spino but I don't know how much health it has so give me a second let me use my magnifying glass"

Reaper Queen:"yes come closer hehehe..."

Me:"dude what are you laughing about"

Reaper Queen:"nothing"

Me:"anyways let me just hold on what are you doing what are you doing put that thing away AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Reaper King:"wait what's happening to me ahhhhh!!!....."

me:"oh my goodness what have you done I'm a man!!!!!"

|_ 5 hours later_|

Now I have to take care of this baby reaper

You should always play chess with a reaper queen by your side, cuz everytime you lose your king you get “another one” 💀

My first child! A demon baby!

another moment where you bola your friend and run

Roses are red,

He destroyed my fort,

YOU IMPREGNATE ME WITH YOUR CHILD AND YOU DON’T EVEN GIVE CHILD SUPPORT?!

-sincerely,

revenge of the titans

Ark:we have mutant snakes that eat E G G S troodons eating tames

Magical lioplordons what else do we need

That one guy:XENOMORPHS IN THE SHAPE OF A REX THAT IMPREGNATE YOU

Ark:brilliant idea dude

Last time I need some xp on my drake so I found explorer note and 145 reaper Queen (Evolution Event with x2 xp was on) I almost killed it but my bulbdog was

On attack my target and he killed the reaper and he got like 40 lvls... and my drake got only 2...

You:trying to tame a reaper

Ravagers: and I took that personally

So...does the reaper queen have to pay child support or am I going to have to show my son a magic trick and...dissapear

Baby Reaper: Dad how did you meet mom. Me: go ask her. Reaper Queen: I brutally r- your father till he got 1 hp Baby Reaper: WHAT THE FU-

It's sad knowing that the only children I'll ever have are giant radioactive lizards that were the result of another adult giant radioactive lizard queen raping me.

POV: You are in the radiation zone and see aberrant Spinosaurus and megalosaurus, then a lvl 140 reaper appears and the song ( not black or white from GOBB ) plays

Once the reaper queen impregnated me I was thinking if I wanted a boy or a girl popping out of my mangina