The Arks: Over Heaven (by Ben)

Chapter 31: Feeling of Despair

Part 1/2

Aurora turned back and forth in her sleeping bag, the conversation between Neddy and Ruby keeping her from falling back to sleep. She sighed, staring at the ceiling as her heart weighed against her body.

“I need to mend things now,” Aurora thought, clutching her gold heart locket, “Or else the rest of my time here will never be the same.”

Aurora crawled out of her sleeping bag, snuck past the two lovers mingling on the ceiling, and made her way to where all the noise was at. The campfire. There everyone seemed so friendly and welcoming. Well, to the others, at least. Bobby and Simon looked at Aurora with raised eyebrows before turning away and chatting about something else. Sunny took a quick glance at Aurora, furrowing her brow and staring at her intently, and Gary took no attention to her. Rick was too busy reading his own book, and upon seeing her, Paige glared at her and drew a finger across her neck. Chris whacked Paige on the head.

Aurora turned away, disappointed in herself. Once a leader among a group of four, she was now looked down upon like some rebel who talked back to their superior.

“That’s not true though,” Aurora thought, “I was VALEDICTORIAN. It took lots of discipline to get to THAT state. I am not some brat.”

She looked at Samuel, who was studying some piece of paper with keen interest. She made slow strides toward him, the voice of Borealis crying out and demanding her to stop.

“STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” his voice echoed within Aurora’s mind like a cave. Aurora paused in her tracks. What was she doing? And why?

“I’m sorry, I need to move on,” Aurora whispered. She stepped forward again, the soft dirt below her shoe crunching and crackling. Samuel’s hairs stood on end, and his head slowly turned around, looking at Aurora.

“Oh, hey Aurora, didn’t think you’d recover so soon,” Samuel noted. Aurora sensed an anxiousness coming from Samuel. For once, he struggled to maintain eye contact, staring past Aurora’s shoulder and out into the hut she had come out of.

“Yeah, me neither, but I can’t have stayed sick for so long,” Aurora answered, “It wouldn’t be fair on the others.”

“Well it’s nice you’re healthy now,” Samuel bluntly responded. He looked away, staring at the paper again. Squinting his eyes, he scratched his forehead, slowly tapping his foot against the grass. Aurora was not too sure what Samuel was looking at, but it couldn’t have been anything too important, right?

Aurora let out a sigh, taking two steps forward before finally sitting down on the log Samuel resided on. Samuel looked over at Aurora, who had her hand on her fists and was staring deep into the fire.

“I don’t know what's been going on with me recently,” Aurora admitted, “And I can’t grasp why I’m feeling this way.”

“Feeling in what way?” Samuel asked curiously. The ruffling of feathers brushed Aurora’s ears and her head jolted to Samuel’s left. Star was looking at the grass, studying small ants making their way through the dirt. One of her eyes was focused on Aurora, and she had a sullen look in it. Aurora blinked, looking away. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. She wiped it away.

“That feeling of despair,” Aurora concluded. She buried her head in her hands, “Borealis has been haunting my dreams. I-I don’t get it. It feels like I failed him-”

“Why do you think you failed him?” Samuel gently asked. He folded the piece of paper up and placed it in his graduation robe pocket. Aurora blinks three times over before replying again.

“I just- He’d probably think I’m a failure,” Aurora murmured, “He’d think I’m weak for not stepping it up or taking the lead here. He’d think that everything I’ve worked for would go to waste and that I wasted my time with it all.”

“You think he’d think that about you?” Samuel asked with a raised eyebrow, “If he loves you, wouldn’t he think the opposite? That you tried your best?”

“No, I highly doubt it,” Aurora wavered, “He thinks very highly of me, and if I don’t meet expectations he chastises me. ‘Why is your grade in this class at a B? You know colleges won’t like this! You’re supposed to be smarter than this!’ I just think if he sees me now he’ll-”

For a little while, Aurora talked about everything Borealis said to her, everything she did to appease him, but in the end it was never enough to prepare for the inevitable future.

“He always believed in me, but he didn’t bother spending time with me-”

“Always asking how my grades were going instead of my day-”

“Talking about possible volunteer hours for college-”