Expect a lot of people at your cave on your birthday, Apex. You won’t be hungry. Would if I just screamed DISC- actually no Apex would rip my face off for that. How did DTG get away with it.

-Lamprey

*i get an evil look in my eyes*

Give me my child or i will destroy everything you love and suck your soul out of you body a dump it in a pool of lava.

-An angery shadow

I forgot the definition of coup, and then halfway on to google I remembered. Probably not, Lava seems like a good president. If he causes me any trouble I’d happily do it.

-Lamprey

Shadow there’s one problem. Ghosts follow those who are forcefully removed from the underworld. So now Melody is possessed by………..Beethoven? This should be interesting. It appears other notable people’s ghosts are trying to possess Melody, Sargon, Lugal Zage Si. Hong Taiji. Lenin? Stalin!?

Better start acting like a comrade 🤷🏻

-Manticore

Hey manticore, didnt you hear, I destroyed the underworld and got melody back.

-shadow

Hey Lamprey does a coup sound fun?

-Manticore

Hey manticore, you didnt hear that i had some entitys destroy the underworld and return melody back?

-shadow

Hey Shadow, you HAD a child, didn’t you hear about the secret police and how Melody is in the underworld?

-Manticore

I dont really care if they wont attack i just dont want them in my dye! I HAVE A CHILD YOU KNOW!

-shadow

Shadow, just ignore the fish they won’t hurt you unless you provoke them. Also if one of them randomly attacks you, you can kill it as that is against the rules I have made for my army. Also you might have angered a swarm fish, and that’s very bad.

Have you seen those things? They come in huge swarms after one gets angered, and they also attract other sea creatures!

Phoenix is right, they do all of that.

-Lamprey

Lamprey news lies a lot, but “Lamp news” doesn’t, most of the time.

-Lamprey

-BREAKING NEWS-

Halloween!

Yay! It’s finally Halloween! A time for tricks and treats, spooks, and sugar rushes!

Important stuff

I need more info 0-0

How rude!

People keep saying that anyone who goes to Lolbits Pizzeria goes missing or gets killed, well, that’s a lie! As I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES BEFORE, LEAVE BEFORE TEN AM AND YOU WILL BE FINE

News on Lolbit

It has recently been discovered (even though I’ve said this millions of times but people are too dumb to know how to read apparently) that Lolbit will not attack anyone while at her pizzeria during the day as she is in a different setting that causes her to not want to harm anyone

Something Cool to Check out!

Check out Control by Halsey available on Spotify, YouTube music, and other music streaming platforms. Check out Minecraft Five Nights at Freddy’s where they do hilarious fnaf role plays in Minecraft, Lolbit is in it but the OG lolbit does not play her so it’s not as cool

Taking over the dododex- wait, I thought I already did that?

Several people are trying to take over the dododex here’s a list of people to watch out for,

Lolbit, Apex, Lamprey, evil ghost

Amber Alert

I have been informed that Flatworm has gone missing! Please call...um...I guess just call Flatworm if you find him.

SHADOW has been freed

So um after Lolbit kidnapped shadow WWT came AND RESCUED HER RAWRRRRRRR

-technical difficulties-

After shadow was rescued WWT freed her and now I’m very annoyed, now if you excuse me I’m going to find a child to snack on TO KEEP ME FROM DESTROYING YOU ALL EARLY

Always Remember

LOLBIT NEWS IS SUPERIOR, I’m a glitch in the system, cant outrun, better watch your step, if not I’ll come

-Lolbit

Lamp news

Welcome back to Lamp news, and sadly there hasn’t been much going on to report. So, this will probably be short.

Lamprey has died in pantheon of hallownest twice, both to markoth and both of those were really good runs. Now I’m sad because they were good runs.

If you want free pizza, go to lolbit’s pizzeria and order some, but be careful because if you stay too long the animatronics will kill you! And I heard something about the cost being your soul… anyways, just be careful.

Roll the ads.

(Ad) Are you hungry for lampreys? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Here at red ocean we sell all sorts of sea food!

Wait, who let that ad appear!?!? That’s a terrible ad, don’t listen to it! And yes, lampreys are indeed edible. If you try to eat me, I will kill you.

(Ad) Are you tired of watching PVE content like syntac, Raasclark, and many other? Do you want PVP content that’s interesting? Well, go check out Vindacture, Bam, Kishko (whenever he comes back), and many more!

Well, now for moths and monkeys!

“Today we have chimp, the chimpanzee! And he’s offering us a banana! The moths are happily flying around!”

I feel like it’s getting a bit redundant to just keep saying “And remember, lamp news is superior!” so I’m just gonna either say something random or nothing.

Lamprey news is superior compared to lolbit… you know what, I don’t even care anymore and it doesn’t matter at this point.

-News reporter Lamprey

I can confirm there is a large number of children arriving in the underworld right now but I’m ditching it in a few hours because after halloween I can return as a personality that suits me more, Harpocrates

Happy Halloween! -Hades (Harpocrates)

Aight.

I think we need to do something about the creature lolbit.

*All the spiders that I am composed of swarm together, using silk to create their usual fedora, ridiculously long trenchcoat. . . Like, seriously, if this swarm of spiders had ankles it would be at my ankles, it's truly ridiculous. And a particularly fanceh bow tie this time*

Peaceful way, reciting whoever it may be the manifestation of their urges to rule the world:

In order of sus- PICIOUS!!! SUSPICIOUSNESS!!!!!!!

Lamprey

HJCrow

Apex

Uhhhhh- I ain't able to think of more.

Alright, murderous completely non peaceful way.

"LOLBIT, FALSE RULER OF THE DYES AND CLUMSY ENTITY WITH SOME TENDENCY TO DROP MATCHSTICKS AND COVER IT UP BY CLAIMING IT WAS DELIBERATE ARSON, WITH RESPECT, YOUR HIGHNESS. I &@#!ING DISOBEY YOU!!!!!!!"

~ your lunatic spider, Hadronyche formidabilis

~ Poecilotheria metallica also, but the wandering spider here took my place.

Lamp News

This is Lamp News your hearing from, and let’s get on with it! So, let’s start with the good topics!

I will give any viewers watching this 1 cent!

Shadow can apparently still make news, even in that glass jar! Somebody should do something about it!

Apex Predator has released, and it’s… well, it’s decent. There were parts that didn’t really make sense, but it wasn’t bad, just overhyped.

There’s a new story in town, and it’s interesting! It’s in Manta and it’s called “Voidborne!”

Roll the adds, bad grammar ghost!

“a”

(Ad) Are you a loser that needs to go touch some grass? Well, you clearly don’t seem like touching grass, so we’re bringing the grass to you! Keyboards, controllers, and joy cons all with grass on them!

(Ad) you stupid, we wasted money on this ad.

Well, that’s all the ads! Now for the bad topics.

I’ve been accused of starting a monarchy! I would never do such a thing, I am not greedy and do not wish to take any control over other dyes!

I was sent another letter by crow, this time telling me I’m stupid and I don’t know how to eat! Well, your stupid and don’t know how to eat, Crow! Another thing that was on the letter was a picture of me dying to Mantis Lords with 8 masks on hollow knight! I would never stoop so low, I’ll only die on sisters of battle, not Mantis Lords!

Well, that’s everything! Sadly we can’t do moths and monkeys because the monkeys and moths are being fed, and it can get a little… violent, if someone else enters while the moths and monkeys are being fed.

Remember, this is the superior news station!

-Lamprey

hehe good job HJK

THIS WASNT MY IDEA

nice flamethrower-

no-

SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO!

sensitive HJK: :(

happy HJK: lets just solve this ou-

angry HJK: NO NOOOO!

happy: yes.

angry: >:[

-crow/HJK

Lamp when Apex Predator comes out you should do a fake review of it. It would be funny. It better stick close to the original story, or else. I’ll just watch the trailer…

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!!!!????? THATS NOT EVEN IN THE STORY!!!! THATS NOT EVEN IN ANY OF MY STORIES!!!!!! IM GOING TO KILL WHOEVER MADE THIS MOVIE!!!???? SERIOUSLY, WHICH MOVIE COMPANY MADE THIS!!!????

-furious apex

It makes everything look cool and I love it!!!!!

Lamprey if you do not make more lamp news I will kill your fish and me and my shadowmane friends will feast

-Shadowmane