Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
Tips & Strategies
Lamp News
This is Lamp News your hearing from, and let’s get on with it! So, let’s start with the good topics!
I will give any viewers watching this 1 cent!
Shadow can apparently still make news, even in that glass jar! Somebody should do something about it!
Apex Predator has released, and it’s… well, it’s decent. There were parts that didn’t really make sense, but it wasn’t bad, just overhyped.
There’s a new story in town, and it’s interesting! It’s in Manta and it’s called “Voidborne!”
Roll the adds, bad grammar ghost!
“a”
(Ad) Are you a loser that needs to go touch some grass? Well, you clearly don’t seem like touching grass, so we’re bringing the grass to you! Keyboards, controllers, and joy cons all with grass on them!
(Ad) you stupid, we wasted money on this ad.
Well, that’s all the ads! Now for the bad topics.
I’ve been accused of starting a monarchy! I would never do such a thing, I am not greedy and do not wish to take any control over other dyes!
I was sent another letter by crow, this time telling me I’m stupid and I don’t know how to eat! Well, your stupid and don’t know how to eat, Crow! Another thing that was on the letter was a picture of me dying to Mantis Lords with 8 masks on hollow knight! I would never stoop so low, I’ll only die on sisters of battle, not Mantis Lords!
Well, that’s everything! Sadly we can’t do moths and monkeys because the monkeys and moths are being fed, and it can get a little… violent, if someone else enters while the moths and monkeys are being fed.
Remember, this is the superior news station!
-Lamprey
More Yellow Coloring Tips
Wen you put it on the metal part of a gun it makes it look gold
I painted my armor yellow and my friends thought it was gold 😂
Lamp News
Welcome back to Lamp News, and today terrible things have happened, well maybe terrible. So, let’s start with the first few topics which are good things!
Grounded Hot and Hazy update releases on the 20th, and it’s the 19th! You know what that means!
Apex has returned! And this time, he hasn’t committed any crimes yet, but he’s excited to see “The Apex Predator” in theaters on the October 25th!
Well, those are some good topics! Now, here’s an ad!
(Ad) Are you tired of playing with modern day play sets, and want something ancient and unique? Well, why don’t you look at our new toy, “Egypt!” Includes pyramids, Egyptians, shrines, and a few pharaohs like khufu!
Now, for the bad topics.
A murder has been reported, and it seems the victim’s home was burnt down! Who could it have been? Well, we found a clip from a security camera that didn’t burn somehow, but here’s the clip.
(The clip would show HJK with a flamethrower burning the house and breaking in, and then screams and eventually silence)
Oh my! It looks like the suspect is HJK, maybe he should be held in custody by the police until further notice!
And the last bad topic we have, is that someone has threatened to kill me! I was sent a letter, with my full address and information, including the three numbers on the back of my credit card! It was signed “-Crow” who could that be? If Crow kills me, there won’t be any more Lamp News!
Well, that’s everything Folks! Except for moths and monkeys, along with an ad.
(Ad) Tired of stupid Dodo Flakes? Well, we agree! We’ve made something unique, “Dinosaur vegetables” which are vegetables in the shape of dinosaurs! Who wouldn’t want these? Buy now for 9.99, cost may vary depending on vegetable.
Well, time for moths and monkeys!
“Here, we have orangus, the orangutang! Let’s see what he has to say!”
“OO AA OOOOOO AAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA”
“He seems to want a banana! Let’s give him a few bananas!”
Well, that’s everything! And remeber, Lamp News is the SUPERIOIR news, HJK news, SN, Nergal news, and every other news outlet will NEVER compare!
-News Reporter Lamprey
Hey lava, if you want you and me can do a colab, though i have no clue what itd be about XD
-Shadow
Lamp news!
Welcome to our news station, this is Lamp News your hearing from.
Apex is nowhere to be seen, so maybe he’s unconscious or hibernating for a few years or something similar. Just don’t expect him to be gone, he’ll return to commit Arson, Shoplifting, Murder, War Crimes, and more! (Whispering) why did I say that so enthusiastically?
We’ve also got news of Grounded’s “Hot and Hazy” update! Go check it out, we aren’t allowed to say anything else besides that and that it’s releasing October 19th!
When will Silksong release? I have the release date, and it’s 202- never mind.
Well, this wouldn’t be a News Station without ads!
(Ad) Tired of eating the wrong cereal and getting salmo- I mean, stomachache? Well look no further! Flame’s and water, now with wind and earth marshmallows!
(Ad) Come watch “The Apex Predator” in theaters, on October 25th! (Scenes from the movie) “ROAR” “HELP!” Few seconds later… Blood on the ground everywhere.
Rated R for Intense Violence and Strong language.
Well, that’s almost everything we have! Luckily for you, it’s time for “Moths and Monkeys!”
(Moths flying everywhere and monkeys swinging from trees) “Look at the beautiful creatures, such a sight to see moths and monkeys living in peace!
That’s all for today, make sure to tune in next time. And remember, we’re the SUPERIOR News Station, HJK and Shadow News will never compare!
-Lamprey
The story is great lamprey!
-lava
I just randomly looked at tips for dyes and find all these crazy stories from Lamprey, Loki, etc. And I just dont know how you can come up with this stuff. It's great!
WHY IS MY DYE BEING DESTROYED!?!? DARK ONE, IM YOUR ALLY REMEMBER?
-Lamprey
I might start up Lamp news by request, and because there might actually be stuff to write about. I’ll try to write it, and also, how much did you guys like Lamp News?
-Lamprey
Ok cool, it doesn’t really matter that- WAIT, YOU HAVE A CHILD? Does the child have a father, or is it just you?
-Lamprey