Next up on the Jeremy Kyle show... my mutant xenomorph wife refuses to pay child support

Swiggity swoogity imma shove a demon up ur booty plus where’s my refund

⛓

⛓

⛓

⛓

Reaper queen, more like raper queen.

Me: turns my bulb dog off

Reaper: surprise MOTHER F**KER

Me:shit

Reaper: GOTTIE

The reaper looks like me walking into a Waffle House at 4am

This thing gets you PREGANANANT???

Me: oo free xp les goo

Also me: try to kill*

Reaper queen: roses r red, violets r blue, my bed has room for 2

Me: uh nty ima kill u now-

Reaper queen: you have no choice. *sniff sniffy sniff*

Me:what-

Reaper queen: *YOINK*

Me:wait wha- AAAAA WHAT R U DOUNG TO ME STOP AAAAAAAA

Reaper queen: good luck with a kid I’m not paying child support. *burrows away*

Me: w h a t. T h e. H a y. J u s t. H a p p e n e d.

Also me:AAAAAAAAAA HELPP!!!

Baby reaper: N O M

And that’s how I died.

They look like a xenomorph and a t rex had a child.

Image if its your first time playing aberration and ur trying to kill this screaming, weird looking rex and then it stabs you and leaves and, moments later a baby bursts out of your stomach.

Ejaculate and evacuate

-Reaper Queen

I haven't been pregnant in years.....

use a karkinos to pick up an industrial grill, donk it over the head a few times and it should knock it out. you can’t tame it, but you’ve got a little while to kill it before it wakes back up. Up for more tips ;)

Me:yesssss a reaper I can get my levels up

Reaper at 1/4 health

Me: let me just check it’s health with my magnifying glass

Reaper:impregnate me and leaves without paying child support

Baby reaper: Dad how did you and mom meet

Me: son if I told you you would eat her

Baby reaper: plz

Me: fine *takes deep breath*

Baby reaper: WHAT THE #%^*

I I wanted a reaper but not to be well...... so I stole a spare reaper from my tribe but well it was a queen so now I’m a dad I guess or a mom you know what I don’t know

I had a dream where I got impregnated by one and the baby was a Ferox?!

I have weird dreams..

-Person

Weren’t you technically getting raped?

Alright who let the ark devs near the drugs? Was it you Jim? Honestly how many times must I tell you? Jeez better get them outside for some fresh air.🤦‍♂️ updoot

Me: ok I hered that you can tame a reper well raise it so I'll just get it to 1/4 heath then it so something.

Reaper queen: come here.

(Picks me up)

Me:?!

Me:wtf I fell weird ill just kill things.

(The next day)

My spino:you okay?you look sick!

Me:ok I'll just build a room and stay in it.

(Biulds a room)

Me:(blows up)ahhhhhh what?

Baby reaper:(eats me)

Me:(respawns)of that's how you get one?!(replaces wall with glass)

Baby reaper:Dada.

(The next week)

Me:(rides it)wahoooo

Willd raptor:run for your lives!!!!!!!!!

Symbiont + raptor = reaper!

A helpful tip should include more words