Your average day in Australia.

yes it is faster than your pter and yes it will spit on you till death and yes you can't beat it early game

Ark: let’s make a new animal

Worker: ok

Ark: let’s make it fly

Worker: ok

Ark: and spit acid

Worker: got it

Ark: and can land on water

Worker: check

Ark: and can fly underwater

Worker: this is getting out of hand

Ark: shush. And have three different types of acid

Worker: ok what types

Ark: rapid fire

Worker: ok

Ark: giant bombs

Worker: are you sure about this

Ark: be quiet. And did I mention that it can freeze other Dino’s and players

Worker: this thing is over powered

Ark: I know and the last acid spit is a guided missile

Worker: but sir

Ark: let me finish

Worker: ok

Ark: and pick up giant Dino’s and flyers

Worker: I’m so sorry players

Ark: I’m not finished and let’s call it the rhynio

Worker: is it tameable

Ark: yes

Worker: how do they tame it

Ark: you have to kill the rhynio and grab a little ball thing and feed it to your Dino but before you do you have to find another one and trap it and get its health down to ten percent and then it will impregnate you’re Dino

Worker: oh my goodness

Ark: shh and then your Dino will have cravings that could be almost anything

Like a giga egg

Worker: are you done

Ark: no. And when it’s ready it explodes your Dino and it’s yours

Worker: these players are going to suffer

Ark: no there fine

Worker: ok. But are you sure you want to do this

Ark: positive

Worker: ok. And done now when I click this button it will kick everyone out of the game

Ark: do it

Worker: ok

Player 1: noooo

*Logs back in lost island*

Player1: what the heck is that

Player 2: ark made a new Dino cool

Player1 has died

Player 2 has died

Player1s argy has died

Player2s argy has died

Player1s Rex has died

Player2s Rex has died

Player1s wyvern has died

Player2s wyvern has died

Player1s rock golem has died

Player2s dodo has died

Player2: now you’ve done it

Player1: uh oh that thing is dead now

Wild rhynio1 has died

Wild rhynio2 has died

Wild rhynio 3 has died

Wild rhynio4 has died

Wild rhynio 5 has died

Worker: I feel like dodos are more powerful then the rhynio

The end

New bug: *gets added to the game*

My beelzebufo: you're about to be the best cementing paste the world has ever seen

When I first saw one of these, I paused the game and looked it up. What I read was so horrific that I went straight back to base and crafted as many heavy turrets as I could and as much ammo as I could, to place around my base (which was in view of the swamp). Then I went on a metal run to get even more turrets. Put up about 12 before I felt safe.

Never actually fought one yet. Too scared 😭

This thing killed my Baryonxy which i named "Barry Allen" for its fast mobility and swimming abilities. Therefore. I returned back with a pistol and a Rex. Guess who got the last laugh now?. Up = Rip for my Rex

When this mf pulls up in my desert base:

HANS, GET ZE FLAMETHROWER!

This is how I explain Wasps to my parents

Here’s a story about this bug and me, when I started ark in about my 10 irl days mark I had a 10 Dino army and a decent base. I was unstoppable, but there was only one Dino I wanted more than anything, the raptor. I went hunting for raptors with full gear. I had all my bolas and tranq arrows. But then I made the biggest mistake of my life. Go into the swamp… a sarco appeared and I sent my Dino’s to kill it and the sarco managed to kill one of my Dinos, but it was only one Dino. And then I wandered into the beach. And then this GIANT BUG RHYNIOGNATHA KILLED ALL MY DINOS AND ME. At that point all hope was lost. All I wanted was my loot back. Just my loot, but suddenly I found my moschops lying around alive. Idk how but I was happy. I took him with me to try too get my loot, then he got eaten by a sarco…

Dev1: Let’s make a bug!

Dev2: You mean, like a grasshopper?

Dev1: No, silly! A Rhyniognatha!

Dev2: A what?

Dev1: A RHYNIOGNATHA!!

Dev2: What even is that?

Dev1: Idk, some sort of wasp-dragonfly-mosquito thing.

Dev2: Huh. Ok.

Dev1: Give it the same health and damage a rex has.

Dev2: Got it.

Dev1: Give it chunky arms to pick up vaults and really big creatures.

Dev2: You know, all our players would have loved having this back before you finally let me add cryopods.

Dev1: Shut up and don’t question my evil plans!

Dev1: Give it resin that blocks damage and sticks creatures and players in place.

Dev2: Ok, this is getting a bit crazy again.

Dev1: Oh, and don’t forget its crazy weight and speed, that Omni-directional movement thing that the tapejara has, and make it swim too.

Dev2: Huh? Why?

Dev1: Also, I want there to be HUNDREDS of them in the swamp, but only on The Island and Lost Island.

Dev2: Buddy, you gotta stop making me do crazy stuff to our game.

Dev1: Keep saying that and I’ll make another insane new boss.

Dev2: Ok, fine! Rhynio-something-something done I guess.

Dev1: Great, now go learn Unreal Engine 5 for me.

Dev2: Uh, ok… Why?

Dev1: We’re gonna kill EVERYONE’S PCs…