6 points       Report

Lamp News

Welcome back to Lamp News, and today terrible things have happened, well maybe terrible. So, let’s start with the first few topics which are good things!

Grounded Hot and Hazy update releases on the 20th, and it’s the 19th! You know what that means!

Apex has returned! And this time, he hasn’t committed any crimes yet, but he’s excited to see “The Apex Predator” in theaters on the October 25th!

Well, those are some good topics! Now, here’s an ad!

(Ad) Are you tired of playing with modern day play sets, and want something ancient and unique? Well, why don’t you look at our new toy, “Egypt!” Includes pyramids, Egyptians, shrines, and a few pharaohs like khufu!

Now, for the bad topics.

A murder has been reported, and it seems the victim’s home was burnt down! Who could it have been? Well, we found a clip from a security camera that didn’t burn somehow, but here’s the clip.

(The clip would show HJK with a flamethrower burning the house and breaking in, and then screams and eventually silence)

Oh my! It looks like the suspect is HJK, maybe he should be held in custody by the police until further notice!

And the last bad topic we have, is that someone has threatened to kill me! I was sent a letter, with my full address and information, including the three numbers on the back of my credit card! It was signed “-Crow” who could that be? If Crow kills me, there won’t be any more Lamp News!

Well, that’s everything Folks! Except for moths and monkeys, along with an ad.

(Ad) Tired of stupid Dodo Flakes? Well, we agree! We’ve made something unique, “Dinosaur vegetables” which are vegetables in the shape of dinosaurs! Who wouldn’t want these? Buy now for 9.99, cost may vary depending on vegetable.

Well, time for moths and monkeys!

“Here, we have orangus, the orangutang! Let’s see what he has to say!”


“He seems to want a banana! Let’s give him a few bananas!”

Well, that’s everything! And remeber, Lamp News is the SUPERIOIR news, HJK news, SN, Nergal news, and every other news outlet will NEVER compare!

-News Reporter Lamprey

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