Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
Stories Tips
What are some stories about the achatina? Memorable achatina stories, wild encounters, and fan fiction.
Hi Reader!! It has been a long time!! I have kept up with your story and I am enjoying it!! I just haven’t replied back in a while. A lot has happened, Moon computer died and had to pause writing for a bit. But she’s back. I had to change my name from Apex to PrimalApex. And several other things and a lot of stories. I’m sorry that I haven’t responded to you in a while. Hope you can forgive me about that.
Anyways, Until next time!
-PrimalApex:)
Ben, the reason I say it’s suggested is because Tom says something to the point to James that if he could only use his power to convince you. And James says that he promised he wouldn’t use his powers on him and then mentions he would also get sick from it. Now this could mean anything but how they were talking made it sound like his power has something to do with mind manipulation or something in a similar manner or a type of hypnosis. It could be something else like telekinesis or something else but I thought I could try to make a guess at his. I probably shouldn’t have said suggested and said something more like “might suggest that it could be”. Suggested makes it sound more probable to bewhile I meant to say something like it possibly be. My mistake for saying that.
Also the Prologue for THOM released in Fenrisulfr earlier. I saw you asked me earlier about it and I didn’t know if you already saw it yet or not.
Anyway, Until next time!!!
-PrimalApex:)
From Ben
PrimalApex i dont think THOM released yet, are you talking about the revised chapters?
Also I guess youre right, Kapro isnt the WORST, even though there are better cavers... (Baryonyx, Thylacoleo, Sabertooth), there are far worse creatures out there.
Like ahem, Titanoboa or Troodon.
At least annoying creatures such as Pegomastax and Ichthyornis have some sort of utility use (thief in PVP and healthy fish respectively).
From Ben
SunnyFox I read the reworked chapters and they are major improvements, you did a fantastic job on this ending! And The House of Madness... hmm, i wonder when this takes place in the story.
Bob the Survivor, you shouldnt have to worry about how many subscribers you have on your YT channel. 24 is a good amount! Also you might want to consider a recording software. I think you can search up a tutorial if you have Xbox or Playstation.
Thanks for the tips Ben! I redid the last two chapters. Tell me how u like them! Also I read ur newest chapter. I bet June is the girl that Aurora said was “interested in Ben after the tennis match”. Yeah…Sorry June, I don’t think Ben is ur type. Anyways…the next book is called “the house of madness” or THOP. Cya!
-SunnyFox57
from Ben
Chapter 29 of Arks Over Heaven has released in Crystal Wyvern Queen 👍. Some very interesting things are being revealed as you read this chapter… So read carefully.
Question of the Day: What’s your favorite ‘ship’ in the stories you’ve read here so far? TTDOT/TTOTSP has got to be Arianna and Aragorn/James, Obelisk I’d go with Orbit and Moonbeam, and yeah I think that’s all I can think of.
No way, no way that that’s the end of TTOTSP!
I had a feeling they would meet Sirens, but I didn’t think it’d get Leah KILLED!
And I don’t know why I feel this way, but I feel like the ending for TTOTSP was a lot more lackluster than TTDOT… I’m not trying to be mean but the impact of Leah’s death didn’t seem that great. It felt too fast and it felt like it didn’t really matter Leah died. But it should matter, because Leah is Tom’s lover and she means so much to him!
I also felt like Cole should have had more emotional impact in this scene where they’re getting married. I noticed that the moment Michael experienced has the same issue as well with conveying emotion. If we want to convey emotion, we should show it through physical actions as that’s what we typically do when we experience emotions.
Ex: If we are happy, we smile. If we are sad, our faces may drop. And if we are angry, we might clench our fists or grit our teeth or furrow our eyebrows or all of the above.
Showing that Cole’s heart filled with anger really shows he’s angry, but not showing actions will make it seem a little silly, and the audience might not take it seriously. I think this moment can be SUPER powerful. After all Cole’s best friend, James decides to just marry her even though he knew he liked her! How could he do something like that, right? What a distasteful man! Ptah!
Finally, the moment Tom transforms into a Krakos. This moment could be SUPER GOOD if just one thing was tweaked, the reason why he is angry.
Here, the Sirens attack the canoes that James, Leah, and Arianna are traveling on. Leah and Arianna are apprehended first because Sirens take the women first because they can break the Siren’s spells. James manages to save Arianna, but not Leah, and she ends up DEAD. Tom ends up in a state of rage and transforms into a Krakos, screaming out James’s name as he believes he is the fault of Leah’s death.
I feel like this doesn’t make too much sense. While James did begin to paddle away and not attempt to save Leah, it was the heat of the moment. Tom has known James all his life, they are twins! Tom, I feel like should be more upset at himself than anything for not being there to help her. I feel like if this scene was changed a little bit to make Tom’s rage more justifiable it would be so much more impactful and we can empathize for Tom more. Now I just feel like… I don’t really care about Leah or Tom’s suffering.
Finally, to wrap it up, I think Tom’s initial reaction to this edited scene should be tweaked just a little bit (but not too much). I think more of the scene should be reflected on his anger before he transforms into a Krakos. From misery because of Leah’s death, transformed into absolute anger. He would scream out at James, “WHY DIDN’T YOU HELP HER?!”, “YOU ABANDONED HER!” “YOU LEFT HER TO DIE!” James tries his best to justify his actions, “I COULDN’T BROTHER I REALLY TRIED!” Tom’s face turns pale, looking at his lover’s lifeless eyes, before he turned up to James and his eyes began to visibly boil with rage. His medallion begins to glow, and James pleads for Tom to stop, it’s going to get him hurt and sick, but Tom doesn’t care. Wordlessly, he begins to slowly transform and twist into that monstrous Krakos. James doesn’t have time to apologize or say goodbye, in a hurry Arianna grabs his arm and ushers him to leave. James, bent on whether he should stay behind to calm his brother down or flee with his lover, decides to do the latter. The two flee via canoe, and James doesn’t turn around, FEARING and GRIEVING for the monster he had created.
I really do not want to be too harsh, but I just REALLY think this chapter should be reworked a little bit. I know that it was near the end of the story, so maybe you were trying your best to rush and churn it out as fast as possible, but I’d advise against it and take your time instead. Making a well constructed ending will be super awesome.
I know you have that collab story you want to work on with Nazgul, maybe you want to work on that as soon as possible, so if you want I can help you edit the story itself and tweak the last few chapters. It’s up to you though. Your story is still super good, you have a huge imagination and lots of creativity. I couldn’t think of half of these things in the story to be in mine.
Just please try not to rush out Chapters of really important chapters like these.
Well, I’ll catch you on the flipside. Stay bright Sunny.
Ben, I read chapter 28 and I have to disagree with the title. I very much enjoy Kapro’s as a tame. Its jump makes it good for caving the one’s that are a pain to get through. But I really enjoyed it and I hope Ben will be okay, he definitely needs to check himself out soon.
Sunnyfox, I think Gary’s power is something like Spider-Man’s spider sense. That he can detect incoming danger like the Kapro and dodge attacks in response. This would make sense as it’s more combat based and he was worried about his sister Sunny who only has heat based powers. Plus that he’s a gamer it makes it seem like a likely candidate for abilities. Also I read chapter 25 and 26, I enjoyed them very much and things are beginning to add up in TTDOT. Also it’s sad about what’s happening, but it makes me wonder what going to happen next. I can’t wait for the next chapter Sunnyfox!! I think that’s basically it for now. Until next time!!
-PrimalApex:)
Ben, nah it’s fine if their siblings even tho it’s kinda weird…but it’s fine. Anyways super sense? That’s pretty cool! As for James coming back…😋. You’ll have to figure that out. Also that One Direction pun was HILARIOUS! I love One Direction’s music. (Even tho technically I’ve only listened to “what makes you beautiful”). Anyways…I can’t wait for ur next chapter! Cya!
-A eager SunnyFox57.
P.S: Here’s a clue for u Ben:
“Are you, are you coming to the tree where they strung up a MAN they say murdered THREE.”
Ben, I just read your newest chapter. And…Gary and Sunny are siblings? Weird but…ok. And Sunny’s power is heat! I knew it! *clears throat* sorry. I’m still having trouble figuring out what Gary’s power is. 🤔. Ben is acting pretty strange tho…I wonder what happened between that girl and him. Anyway…cya!
-SunnyFox57.
From Ben
Oh, and the Yelena soundtrack inspired me to look for my own for specific scenes, I am sure I'd find at least one, right? Well I did find something. It's called "Psychosis" and it originates from an Undertale Fangame called Dusttrust. It doesnt fit any of the current scenes of Arks Over Heaven at the moment, but it WILL for a future scene that I have planned (very important). I suggest you give it a listen its a very beautifully constructed track and the composer, Nickolas, has a lot of other great tracks besides Psychosis.
Later!