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Sincerely, Shrikesong (A Prequel to The Blood War)

(1/6)

Hello Littlehare.

Actually, I don't know that you can hear me. Maybe you aren't dead. Maybe you won the challenge for the alpha position. If you won, I'm sorry I couldn't see it little brother. You know I couldn't stay through all that bloodshed. It was sure to reach a dangerous point. So maybe you have died.

Maybe you stand here, right in front of me, hidden in the Forever Grounds ... do you still believe in all that rot? I've long lost my trust in our ancestor's protection, since mother and father were killed by that rogue bear on their last hunt.

I'd like to think you can hear me, dead or alive.

It's lonely here.

~~~~

Food is scarce. Shelter is scarce.

Everything is scarce.

No matter how much I eat, I hunger. No matter how much I drink, I thirst. I'm always tired, always sick, always angry. I want to go back, to be home, but there may not be a pack to go back to. Wolves were tearing each other's throats out when I left. Maybe all that remains is a pile of bloody bodies.

I can't go back, can I?

Tell me you won, Littlehare. Tell me it's safe to come home.

~~~

I haven't spoken to you in a while little brother. I suppose that's because I'm not alone anymore. I have pups now, seven of them. They're all half coyote, all small. They're needy.

I have never understood what it truely meant to be needed. Even as yours and Duskwind's big sister, you both took care of each other more than anything. But these pups, they NEED me. If I were to leave, they would die. Their very lives depend on me playing my part.

I'm not sure I can handle that responsibility.

I'm not by myself anymore, but I have never felt more alone than I do now.

I wish you were here.

~~~

I can't do this. I can't be a mother.

Mother taught me not to become attatched to your pups until after a few days. I couldn't help it. I found myself invested in them all, but I woke this morning with two of them stone-cold. I couldn't bring myself to bury them at first, but they began to decompose, and I realized the stench would draw predators.

I have never felt a pain like this since mother and father's death, or Duskwind's death. It's as if a part of me died with those two little ones. I might have laid down and died with them, but there are still five more who need me.

I want to know that it will be alright. That it won't get worse from here.

You can't give me that assurance, can you?

I miss home. I miss feeling safe.

I miss you, too.

Stay safe, Littlehare,

Shrikesong

~CL1

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