Lolbit:Where am I? Oh, a river? Wait, it’s sandy, there are old temples, IM IN MESOPOTAMIA!

An old woman in a shawl totters over.

?: يأتي (come)

Lolbit:If I kill her I might not get out of here.

?: قلت تعال ، أتريد أن تفهم محنتك؟ (I said come, do you wish to understand your plight?)

Lolbit:Ok.

As the old woman leads Lolbit to a cave he seems to recall someone who he’s met with ties to Mesopotamia.

Lolbit:Nergal!

?: من الذى؟ (who?)

Lolbit:Nergal! He did something here!

?: لكن ، لكن نيرجال غير موجود (But, but Nergal doesn’t exist)

Lolbit:I think he does! We have to run now

Suddenly the woman makes a deep guttural sound.

?:hahahaHaHaHaHAHAHAAHAHAH!

The cloak burned in flames and as the old woman disappeared it turned out to be, Nergal.

Me:Congratulations little fox, you found me out.

Lolbit:Where are we!

Me:The underworld, I don’t have to speak Arabic anymore so I can tell you what it’s called. My home has many names. Kur, Irkalla, Kukku, Arali, Kigal, or in my native Akkadian Erṣetu. Here you will live a shadow of your life. In Erṣetu you face no judgement for your sins, but no reward for your kindness, you get not to eat children, but dust. Your quality of life is determined by the conditions of your burial, and as I simply just lured you into this hole, you will have an awful life. You have no descendants to give you drink, so you shall suffer. Normally you would face no judgement I should say but one of the children you killed was my demigod son! So I wanted to make sure you suffered.

I leave my assistant, Pazuzu, to watch over you.

Pazuzu:You shall suffer as Nergal has ordered.

Lolbit:Noooooooooooo!

And so he sits there to this day, wishing he hadn’t tried to conquer dododex.

-Nergal