Man, let me tell you something. I’m out here on Aberration, minding my own damn business, when I see this Aberrant Raptor mauling some poor innocent creature like it owes her rent. So I run up, ready to die like an idiot, and I punch this dinosaur RIGHT in the face.

And this damn Raptor — this bloodthirsty, pouncing, ankle‑biting nightmare — just STOPS. She looks at me like, ‘My bad. I didn’t know you were in charge.’ Next thing I know, this wild-ass Raptor is acting like she’s been my pet for YEARS. No bola. No tranqs. No kibble. Just one punch and a whole lotta attitude. And THEN — AND THEN — she lets me put her in a cryopod like it’s the most normal thing in the world. I swear, this ARK is broken. This ARK is tired. This ARK is DONE. It saw me getting mad about DLC creatures and said, ‘Give her the damn Raptor before she breaks something. So yeah. I tamed an Aberrant Raptor by punching her in the face. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I’m just rolling with it.