Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
To: TarrWasTaken, Jerrald Jerrald (is it one Jerrald or two?), Break-it, RelatingHen
From: Ben, & KM (get this girl outta here)
TarrWasTaken, once your story comes out, we’ll definitely read it!
Jerrald, I’m enjoying your The Island story so far! I’ve always wanted to read a fanfic more based off real ASE experiences but at the same time taking a more ‘novelized’ approach, if you know what I mean. Fair warning, once you get past the first few chapters, the middle section becomes the most difficult to write. If you have a good idea for what your ending will be, then the ending will breeze by, and of course the main ideas pop up in the beginning, but it’s always the middle people have most trouble with. So, good luck with that. Anyway, like other people pointed out, you can try splitting up your paragraphs to make it easier to go through, and a few other grammatically conventional stuff, but you’re doing good with your story so far. Good vocabulary and everything’s just good. I’ll read Chapter IV when it comes out.
Break-it, not too much. DiploLover had to leave, which you know, and PD has also returned (which you also know). PrimalApex is also discussing the Creature Votes that are happening for Valguero right now. We tried submitting our own ideas (Maip and Centrosaurus) but that didn’t exactly work out, since we didn’t get as many votes as the Top 10. The winner of the vote was Megaraptor. I don’t know all the details, but you could probably find a YT video talking about it. Anyway, I’ll be around for your next SOR chapter!
Relating, I enjoyed the new and updated Chapter 27! I enjoyed the more in depth character background between Nal and Dorack, and this hinted Arctic ARK. I think it would have been better the mystery was built up over time throughout the Scorched Earth Arc, especially in an environment they haven’t fully mastered yet. Also, for ‘memories’, for stuff like that, especially if someone is recalling near-death, it’d be much more emotionally overwhelming. They don’t come and go like prophetic visions, so if Dorack has another memory outburst, build up would make it even better. And in this particular case, flashbacks can serve more purpose than just explaining what happened.
AnywayIt was a better idea anyway to go over some of the minor characters’ backgrounds since some haven’t exactly been touched upon yet, and don’t have too much personality to show, so exploring Nal and Dorack’s backstory was a good idea, compared to adding even more characters. Why they ascended off the Island and ended up on the Arctic Ark would be a good idea too, since I assume the ascension process is linear. This could be a plot hole if it isn’t explained in a future chapter. Also, since it was explored in a previous chapter, explaining how people know about the ‘Multiverse’ would be a good idea, besides just being a cheap way to reference other stories, Anyway, I enjoyed it, and I’ll be around for Chapter 28.