Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
To: SangToareGirl, DiploLover, and RelatingHen
From: Ben, & KM, creators of The Arks: Over Heaven
We have read all three of your stories (Valguero’s Guardian, Creatures of Nightmares, and Journey Through All Creatures respectively). Let us give our thoughts.
SangToareGirl, your story was pretty cool. There wasn’t much to say about it, the plot flowed well and all the like. It was simple, but then again, nothing needs to be complicated. My only gripe was the human x creature shapeshifter theme, which I found very weird. Even if the creature is sentient as a human, it’s still weird. Though I don’t think your other story will be like that.
DiploLover, Creatures of Nightmares was also really nice. I like the concept a lot, it reminds me of Moon’s The Obelisk, a long while back. I feel as if there should be an explanation/lore as to how these wolves got powers (more specifically Pax, whose time powers I assume won’t correlate with the Wings of Fire-esque thing), though I think you’ll do that when appropriate. Also an explanation as to how Astra turned into a wolf would be good too, though I think you got that as well. It seems that Astra and Pax will be the main ship, since their names are similar and Pax is even described as more handsome than Prince (sorry bro). Anyway it’s cool, my only gripe was the prophecy felt too obvious but prophecies are already difficult to write. I hope that we will see other characters besides the five prophecy wolves and Shadow, especially of other species, as it would help establish the world building and what not.
RelatingHen, your story was also fun to read. It’s a fun concept, and I think a few other writers with no names did something similar, though you’re the first to get past the first chapter. C Tribe dynamics are cool, though I wish that we could get more information on other tribes around the Island, as the world building for that still seems barren. The idea of the Ravage also sounds cool, and I have a wild guess at what Rod supposedly did to Serenity. So besides world building, in terms of feedback the only thing I’d say is to clarify who “this person” is. For example, when Terad lands in the bush, it’s described that “a person came out of the bushes”, but it’s never elaborated who it is until a few sentences later when Terad is randomly described to be crashing out, which makes the readers think, “oh so that person who got out of the bushes was Terad, I think it would be helpful to have learned that earlier.” Same thing for the person riding the Titanosaur, we were wondering who it was for like a paragraph until Rod was just thrown out there. So yeah that’s the only thing we’d say to fix is. An example to fix this is: “Someone emerged from the bushes. It was Terad.” So just say immediately afterwards who it was. Yeah that’s about it, I’ll be reading Chap 10 when it comes out. I’m guessing Terad died permanently, since he’s in C Tribe (though I’m wondering why he had only like 20 levels if he can only die once and be unable to respawn). He was annoying anyway. Also, KM says that to add more female characters, one way or another. KM finds them more interesting than dudes. That’s all, later.