Dododex
ARK: Survival Evolved & Ascended Companion
From Ben
Hi guys, I’ve posted my version of the draft model (which you can’t adVOTEkate for) so you may read it if you want. It’s been a while since I’ve touched one of these… it was fun.
Sylveevee I forgot to mention it but I thought that Queen Syl’s elemental ball was literally a ball made of element, like the material. I didn’t think it would be like the four elements (five apparently). Anyways if that’s the case, it might give Queen June a little bit of trouble, but Queen June is still an excellent fighter, even without her fire powers (lore). She also has some strong attacks because she used to be in tennis, if I remember correctly. Water also doesn’t put out fire so easily, it’s a bit more complicated than that since the most effective way to get rid of fire would be to get rid of the oxygen (which is why fire extinguishers are not just water, there’s special mist that stops oxygen or smth like that). Anyways I’d think it’d be a tough battle between the two of them, but I’m not too sure who would win because we haven’t really seen Queen Syl’s elemental ball. Oh yeah btw thunder is the sound, I think you are talking about lightning which is the actual bolt. Thunder is the sound lightning makes.
SunnyFox, if I were you I wouldn’t give that GitezGood ideas. They seem like a freeloader from their message wording. It doesn’t even seem as if they’ve read your story, they just want some ideas for their YT channel thing (And free advertising since they want you to advertise their stuff in your stories for some reason.. Yuck, I hate freeloaders). But do whatever you want, it’s your life, you make your own choices.
Anyway, Chapter 6 of The Lost World was really cool! These dynamics are really awesome and there’s a very clear contrast between Cedric and Oliver. Even though they are friends they are opposites. Cedric doesn’t pay attention in class while Oliver does, which I think is pretty interesting since you’d expect both of them wouldn’t. Anyway, looks like they’re being transported, uh oh.. To the lost world! Probably. Is it Rowan? Or some other mischievous scheme? Anyway it also makes me wonder what this Lost World is.
Alrightie! I’mma go over the draft models now. (by the way MGG, a draft model is a plan for something. So the draft models are plans for how the story will go, and people just continue off it. As for why you never were introduced to them in the 5th grade, I think it’s more of a teacher-exclusive thing, since no one else did them in my school). I’ll be going alphabetically.
MGG I really liked your draft model version! I liked how Jimmy got his toy back, it was a pretty realistic way and it really teaches the readers you don’t have to steal your stuff back, and how you gotta take accountability for your actions. I also liked Jimmy’s reason of wanting Spidey back for Show and Tell, a detail which the other draft models didn’t really go over was the Show and Tell thing. There were a few grammar errors but it’s not really that big a deal (you really gotta fix the whole to and too thing tho), but other then that good stuff!
Sunny your draft model version was also really good! I liked Britney’s interactions with Jimmy in this one, something the other draft models didn’t have. I also liked Jimmy’s action, it really shows he wants that toy back. The way Jimmy also earned his toy back was pretty wholesome and sweet, that was also a realistic alternative and in the end both Mr. Hsu and Jimmy got what they wanted. I also thought it was pretty funny how Britney has gum under her desk, she’s not a very good kid even though she’s snitching on others. There were very little grammatical errors, but once again it’s not that big of a deal, although I think Jimmy’s relief that he got his toy back could have been highlighted a bit more since he went through many challenges to get it back. Anyway, good stuff!
Sylveevee, your draft model was really fun! Reading Jimmy’s crazy Mission Impossible plan was a lot of fun and I enjoyed how it went. I also liked the detail of Jimmy making a replica Spider Man to throw Mr. Hsu off was a pretty good plan, although I think it could have been covered how Jimmy managed to make it. Like did he use clay or gum or some random stuff he found lying around? That process would make this story even better. Anyway the flow was really good and it was nice reading this version, if I could adVOTEkate one of my favorites for this draft model it’d probably be yours since it was so much (but I can’t adVOTEkate so).
Anyways voting begins you can also leave feedback for the others if you want.